"I See You": Building Trust
Submitted by Rebecca Still (Community Learning Network)
I walked towards my car after a long day of shopping. I pulled out my key fob and clicked to unlock my door. Nothing happened. I clicked a few more times. Still nothing. In a panic I thought, ‘how am I going to get into my car?’ My fob is how I always unlock my doors, so what happens when it doesn’t work?
Suddenly, my brain calmed down, and I remembered the driver’s door has a lock! I can use the ‘old fashioned’ way and unlock my door with my key!
I inserted the key into the lock, but it wouldn’t turn. At that same moment I looked at the passenger seat expecting to find a shopping bag with items I had purchased at another store. It was gone. I’ve been robbed! And they did something to my car so I can’t get in!
I looked at the steering wheel. What’s a leather cover doing over my steering wheel? Then it dawned on me. This wasn’t my car!
As you read my story, you might have thought of something similar you did, or a friend did. You made a connection with my story. But if I was telling you this story in person and you were listening, that connection would have happened simultaneously.
According to a study done at Princeton University, we biologically do make a connection. When two people had simultaneous MRIs, researchers noticed that the one telling the story and the one listening to the story had the same areas of the brain light up. The more areas of the brain involved, the greater the communication and the deeper the understanding.
Yesterday, as I travelled home from an early morning program I noticed a car on the other side of the ditch over part of a farmer’s fence. The roads were slushy with slippery spots and a form of rain-snow mix dripped from the sky. I pulled over, got out of my car, and went up to the young woman.
Asking if she was okay, she started to tell me her story of how she left the road and ended up the way she did. She went on to tell me her plans for her car. I listened with concern. We talked about how she felt about her car, the condition of the farmer’s fence. She shared with me that this happened for a reason and was taking the accident in stride. As I listened to her and she told me her story I felt connected to her and concerned about her wellbeing. As two strangers we connected biologically at a deep level.
There wasn’t much I could physically do, so I drove away thinking that maybe she needed to tell her story to someone who listened and gave her some moral support.
My own car story isn’t over. Two days ago, leaving my early morning program, I walked over to the car parked in my normal spot. I got out my key fob and tried to unlock my door. Nothing happened. My brain reminded me that if the key fob doesn’t work, you can use your key.
Feeling proud of my problem-solving skills I inserted the key in the lock, but only part way. Confused as to why it wasn’t going in properly, I looked in the car. Once again, it wasn’t my car!
I learned from my first mistake to problem-solve and then to think more critically about the situation that then led me to correct my mistake. In another brain research, it literally shows how when we make a mistake, it leads to stronger learning and more accurate results.
When we make a mistake, our brain is actually slowing down and taking time to analyze the situation closely, allowing for a more accurate attempt the next time. We learn and grow literally from the mistakes we make.
We reach a higher level of thinking known as 'critical thinking', that lays a foundation for new questions, ideas, and learning.
Adults who come to us for support in their learning may see themselves as someone who always makes mistakes. We can help them to understand how mistakes help us grow and learn and that as they solve their mistakes it helps them become critical thinkers.
So what do connections and mistakes have to do with each other? They both build trust.